I'm a loser, baby..

Mon, 21 May 2007 22:43:12 GMT

The one thing I hate more than anything is being lied to.

I wish I could care as little as you do right now.

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 23:54:52 GMT

Lookie

I've started trying to take more photos now, I uploaded some onto there last sunday that I took on sunday.

I feel pretty shitty right now, I have done for ages. For a while I felt a bit better but now I feel crap. I feel so lonely & stupid &..Arghhhhhhhh!

It's really annoying me because I just can't seem to talk about anything. Whenever I go to see 'weird al' I just can't talk about anything I should because I feel too stupid, or I forget because I'm all nervous or I just decide I'm being silly and shouldn't say anything.

Hmph. I'm tired and stuff so this is where I say night night.

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 14:36:29 GMT

I deserve everything bad I get

Mon, 30 Oct 2006 04:05:40 GMT

I hate how I'm such a pessamist now. I never used to be..

Sat, 30 Sep 2006 01:13:39 GMT

Haha strange, I jus looked on youtube for a "how to be a mime" video and the one i found is a group of kids from america..nd they said they got a letter off someone called esme askin how to be a mime..

I just have to clarify how pathetic these kids are...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGHdwvBK7ig

Theyre clearly trying to make a claim to fame haha

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 22:17:46 GMT

I hate how much my mam loves to humiliate me.

I hate her.

Mon, 25 Sep 2006 09:16:35 GMT

I'm scared =[

I shouldnt watch so much Jeremy Kyle.

Infact I should probably be in college, but i'm too lazy to leave the house..Or even put clothes on [yes i'm wearing pyjamas].

and my head is throbbing like mad, I feel soo so sick. nd I'm havin hot flushes lol..Menopause? Haha

I want food but since I feel sick..Hmph...

I'm all annoyed at everything atm nd I don't like it, I'm tryin to stop it but its hard

Sun, 24 Sep 2006 12:26:47 GMT

Awwwwwww =[

Crocodile hunter diarys are making me sad =[

It's all about steve & his kids & how theyre turning into him

and they just had to put a kangaroo down =[ and its little baby =[ was so sad

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 00:01:43 GMT

Wow...

It really is a small world...

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 06:58:31 GMT

*Sighs*

=]

6 months today

=]

Fri, 15 Sep 2006 00:44:06 GMT

I'm not well =[

I've got a cold. Ontop of everything else.

I cant be arsed with it. But there's nothing I can do but put up with it.

Today was funny but I didn't feel like laughing, I fake laughed. I didnt like it. it hurts my jaw.

I want some sleep, I'm knackered, but I dont think i'll be getting much of that cuz my nose is running.

I really need some nice hot chocolate and a hug =[

Mon, 11 Sep 2006 04:17:33 GMT

Grahh!!

I went to bed at like...2?

Woke up at half 3! And I havent been able to get back to sleep again. I need sleep dammit but I just dont even feel tired now. I shoulda got up earlier today...Or maybe just done more. I need to do more through the day so I'm more tired at night. College is a start I spose, instead of doin hardly nout like i've been doing all thru the holidays.

Even if I managed to get back to sleep now, I'd only get another hour nd 15 minutes sleep...But I cant even get that. And I need a drink... But there's nothing to drink except orange juice which i've already drank over half the carton of.

As long as everyone else gets something to drink it's ok....Of course I can survive on no drink for a week.

Goin back to bed now, only came on here to let out my annoyedness on not being able to sleep.

Update-ness...
..I didnt get to sleep at all.
Got to 6 and I figured there was no point trying, I was just gettin stressed over it nd I cant be arsed with that. I just need to stop thinking so much, but to do that I need to get things out..And I dont want to...Because..Meh. lol.
I jus got ready..And now I'm tired... Psch. Maybe I shoulda got ready at 3am.

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 11:23:23 GMT

Lol I had to do this, I done it ages ago but when you couldnt get the collagey thing...

haha sorry Neil..

I need to do this

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 15:15:52 GMT

I wanna know what people Really think of me. This isn't some thing I've copied off other peoples journals, I really need to know what people think of me, cuz I'm sick of thinking things that might not be true, jumping to conclusions and making assumptions.
I want everyone to post a comment on this telling me what they think of me, I don't care if it's annonymous as long as it's honest.

Need to clear things up in my mind =p

And this is the only place I can think of where people can leave annonymous things.

Please do it.

P.s. I'm not looking for compliments..The opposite =p

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 01:32:13 GMT

18th - 23rd september

Rocky horror show

Sunderland empire theatre.

I HAVE to go to this...HAVE to =[

Anyone wanna come? =]

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 03:25:56 GMT

Neil...
I hate you lol.

I couldnt sleep, then I remembered the tamagotchi...Then I went on tamatown =[ then I tried lookin for all the things for the golden tamagotchi.. Nd I couldnt give up til I found the last thing and now i've got a million prizes for the tamagotchi lmao, its too fun. Whos gonna win? Me? Oh yes.

Wed, 09 Aug 2006 03:43:53 GMT

...Some people don't realise how lucky they are...

& I cant sleep or stop crying, or stop thinking, or get comfortable.

Tue, 08 Aug 2006 03:54:42 GMT

I'm watching wild things..Again. Haha.

The snake guy was on again..And he was goin to where some tribe live.. Then they gave him a big welcome ceremony nd made a big fire with a dead pig on it..Nd ...Aye...They don't seem to like clothes haha. Was horrible..Nd I swear one of them had a boner when he was looking at the pig..Either that or he had a twig stuck inbetween his legs..Pointing to the sky. haha. Yea ...they were showing the people around where they live nd the mens hut thing has a monument in it...Which is a dead body. It's a 365 year old or summit, and..Eurgh..It was so creppy, was all...Curled up..Like in the foetal position..with its mouth wide open like it was shocked or summit..Just really freaked me out.

I still want loadsa animals =p

Wed, 02 Aug 2006 01:09:14 GMT

Pschhhhhhh

I've diagnosed myself with Tendonitis =[ and since it's been going on for longer than 6 weeks...I might go to the doctors..But I don't want to..Becauseeeeeeeee they'll just give me anti-inflamitorys or whatever lol. nd yea...They make me feel ill. But ...Tendonitis may be the reason for my headaches, which would make sense... A few weeks ago I decided that it was probably the knots in my back causing them but..Yea..This makes sense..Not knots...Tendonitis (H) haha. So yea..If I go to the doctors..I'll refuse the tablets. Then see what they say...Apparentlyyyyyy...They diagnose it with X-ray...So that means another waiting list..Nd then if it is that, it can be treated with an injection of steroids lol. Woo! I can be a muscle woman hahahaha.

I haven't been able to sleep much lately, loooooooooads on my mind but I dunno what & I keep crying & being scared & pffffffffffffffft. Nevermind though.. Shall all be well soon enough methinks.

Oh yea...Life is shit... as in the museumy thing..aye.

Fri, 28 Jul 2006 02:42:47 GMT

I've been complaining so much lately but I can't help it...Everything's annoying me..Especially in the heat..It's making everything so much worse.

I'm totally boiling hot here. I'm scared to open my window cuz of moths nd flies nd spiders... Then when I do open it nd leave my light off..I'm scared to sleep with the window open incase someone comes in... Meh. I don't like it lol.

I'm wearing my glasses a lot again...I'm trying loads to try nd get rid of my headaches but the glasses just do fuck all nd make me look stupider. I'm literally counting down the days til my appointment... But I keep expecting them to send me a letter saying they've postponed it or summit. Bah. I need to get some calamine lotion for my legs...And some herbal tea/kalms.. I was gonna get kalms ages ago butttt I'm scared to take em or out lol. I'm scared to take anything at all incase it makes me head worse, since stuff the doctor gave me made it worse instead of better nd...bahh.

Anywhoos...I've ordered Birds of a feather series 1 =D since I could only download 2, 3 & 4 lol.

Want all of the series of home improvement now..but you can only buy upto series 4...For now...

Yea these are just boredom entries cuz I cant sleep & cuz I can [make the entries]

=p

Wed, 26 Jul 2006 03:40:04 GMT

Howcomeeeeeeee......I can never sleep nowdays. Then when I do sleep, I wake up after 10 minutes and then it takes me another half an hour to get back to sleep.

Meh.

I keep goin to write loaaaaaaaadsa stuff but I dunno how to say things =s or even what I wanna write.

I just need to talk to people about stuff I think. But I don't wanna cuz...It'll do no good.

I wanna buy a new digi cam..but at the same time I don't. I do cuz I wanna take photos nd stoof but..I don't cuzzz..I don't wanna spend my money since i've got no money for the next 5 weeks or so.

The camera I want is only £200...Considering my rents paid that for the one I've got now...And the camera I want...Its such a difference. The one I've got is 2MP. The One I want is 5.1 and I actually know how to use it...You can change settings and everything *Shock horror* haha. Yea mine is utter shite. Can't change out on it. Think I'm gonna beg for it outa my bank money since it's so cheap, i'm just scared that it'll end up in an argument, I'm sick of my mam makin me feel bad for gettin in arguments..when it's her fault =s and i'm sick of her putting me down all the time.

Why can't I have a good mam? Who cares about me? And asks how I am? And I can talk to? And will listen? And give me advice? Instead of just... Slagging me off, makin me feel like shit, shouting at me, laughing at me, not giving a fuck about me.. Meh. I hate it. I hate so much.

Oh yea..Anyone fancy a trip to the hospital with me? Always fun ^8D mkay maybe not so fun. Don't wanna go alone though, it's scary & my mam doesn't deserve to come..Like she'll want to anyway.

My head has been reaaaaaaaally bad these past few days. It makes me go in strange moods & I'm sorry, Neil, If it seems like I'm in a mood with you or I take anything out on you, I don't mean to, Idunno whats happenin with my head but I want it back to normal. It's too scary bein like this.

I feel really sick. I need sleep. I can't stop complaining.

Why does my body feel like it's gonna explode?

Haha..Once again...NHS direct is telling me I may be having a heart attack! When it says "Do you have any of the following symptoms" why does it assume you have them all?
Apparently I should ring 999 immediatley. Maybe not.

Mehhhhhh Idunno what to dooooo.

Gonna try and sleep now.

[Dont forget to wake me up Neil]

all creatures great and small

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 02:30:41 GMT

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just wrote a big complaining entry but..it's private, as always.

Now I'm really stressing out cuz there's a million flies and moths in my room, and my laptop was just attacked my a huge moth so I've had to turn my bedroom light on to distract it...I wouldn't touch my laptop til it was gone. I'm gettin so pissed off.. There's a huge spider in the bathroom...And I'm bein attacked by flying creatures!
I can't sleep with flies in my room. and now im thinking there's a spider somewhere in here *-) bah it's annoying. I really cant sleep now.nd I dunno where my fly swatter thing is =[ bah :@

Thu, 20 Jul 2006 22:22:45 GMT

Mehh

Watchin Life of grime NewYork. I know I shouldn't cuz It makes me miserable but yea...there was a cat lady/dog lady who died..And noone noticed for over a week so the animals ate her body.

Made me even more scared of being a cat lady =[

Mon, 17 Jul 2006 03:05:51 GMT

Anyone wanna give me £150?
lol
Thought not =[

I keep..not being able to sleep, im wide awake =s I got bored downstairs before so I read my grandads will. It was shit. And I don't understand why it was written out to my mam...Not her and her brother.. Plus it just plain doesn't make sense, snot like he had anything to give. But I did find out that he had a home which I'm glad about cuz I was always given the impression that he was a full on tramp but nah he had a home. I knew that he fought with his flat mate but...I didn't think he had a home when he died...Dont get how he could pay for it =s Yea I've clearly been thinkin too much about my family lately, tis annoying. It makes me think too much about what I'm gonna be like when I'm older cuz I'm nothing like my mam so far, and I don't think I ever will be, I hate her. If I ever ended up like her I'd wanna be locked up. Yea she's just...Nasty and annoying. Hmmm I don't like hatin her though...It's likeeee...I always used to think that when I move out, I'd want nothing to do with her, but is that selfish?? Cuz if I had kids, I wouldn't want them to hate me for not letting them have a gran...Meh I think about the future nd stuff too much lol. Just doing my nightly thinking, as always. Got nout better to do.
I wanna sleep..I miss Neil loads.

Oh yea I jus applied for a full time job aswell lol, realised I really need to get a job nd some money.

I don't care if it means I have to quit college, I dont think that'll get me anywhere anyway, it's best just kept to a hobby, I'm no good at it.

Sat, 15 Jul 2006 03:08:40 GMT

I've just watched 3 episodes of birds of a feather.

I'm so bored.
Gonna try and sleep soon.

Buttttt today..at Gateshead, I saw a banner for blood donation nd decided to have a read about it. I wanna donate blood cuz...Yea...My neighbour needed loadsa blood transplants nd they kept her alive for a lot longer than she would of been if she hadn't had them so I decided it would be a good thing to do. Only thing is I'd feel well stupid lol. Idunnoooo...I wanna go and give blood but...I don't. I don't even know exactly where it is you go to give blood =s I found addresses of places but...I still aint got a clue where they are lol.

Yea just thought i'd share my kind thoughts with the world xp